Into Pinkness: How Spock Saved Nibiru With The Power Of Pepto Bismol
by LauraCynthia
Summary: Please review! Spock uses some Vulcan ingenuity to save Nibiru, much to Kirk and McCoy's surprise. ***UPDATED*** The scene in Pike's office, reworked with this twist. Took a dramatic turn...
1. Neutralizing The Volcano

Kirk stared backwards in shock. _What the heck-_

He struck Bones on the shoulder. "Bones – wait- stop!"

Bones yelled backwards, "Not now Jim! Kinda dodging imminent death here!" His feet struck the ground with violence, tearing up clods of red earth in his wake.

"Seriously, stop for a _second!_" He yanked on McCoy's arm, pulling him back with a sharp jerk. "You _gotta_ see this."

Bones pulled out of his grip and dashed behind the tall foliage. Panting, he bent over, hands on his knees "Okay, fine, but if you get a spear through your chest –"

"-don't come crying to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah," Kirk parted the tall stalks and pointed towards the volcano. "_Look." _he hissed.

"Yeah, I see. Flaming death pit, shuttle, Spock, bottle…_bottle?_" Bones gaped. Suspended upside down from a thick cable was a giant cotton candy-pink bottle.

And astride it, also upside down, was Spock.

Bones turned to Kirk, wide-eyed. "Where in the name of all that is Starfleet did he get that thing?"

"How should I know?" Kirk flipped open his communicator. "Kirk to Spock, come in! Do you hear me?"

The communicator crackled. "Captain, what has changed?"

"I could ask you the same question, Commander." Kirk's voice betrayed his confusion. "What happened to your frostbite-o-matic?" Bones gave Jim a _really?_ look.

"I believe this will be much more effective, sir." Sliding down the waist of the bottle, Spock straddled its neck and hung upside down over the volcano's maw. With several vigorous twists, he opened the cap and let it fall into the flames below.

Instantly, thick pink liquid poured out of the bottle. Spock hung on for dear life as it swung back and forth slowly. The Nibirans forgotten, Kirk and McCoy watched the scene play out. After several long minutes, the bottle emptied itself completely.

Bones stepped back from the reeds and let his hands fall to his sides. Then he gripped the sides of his head, shaking it back and forth. "Of all the cockamamie, foolhardy, idiotic….what in blazes does he think is gonna-"

Jim was about to interrupt him with barely-restrained laughter when the ground began to shake violently. "_Ugh_!" They both toppled backwards onto their backsides. Kirk frantically reached for his communicator and gripped it hard. "Kirk to Enterprise or shuttle, seismic activity's picking up! We-"

The rumbling moved away from their location. Straight towards the volcano.

"Spock! Come in! Things are about to get really bad!"

"Yeah, your little trick didn't work. It's a volcano, not a stomach! You can't just-"

A loud, mighty roar echoed across the sky. It shook everything. Kirk and Bones covered their ears and curled up in the fetal position, preparing for disaster.

Nothing happened.

Except….

"Have mercy, what is that _stench?"_ They both pulled up their hoods quickly, covering the lower halves of their faces. The air smelled of chalk and sulfur.

"I – dunno, but it's - _ugh_!" Kirk and Bones were both coughing, and Bones was doubled over with his eyes squinted shut. Kirk waved one arm in the air, trying to clear it, his other hand still firmly gripping his robe. The cloud of gas passed over them and headed towards their pursuers.

"Spock –" hack, hack- "Spock! Report!" There was silence. Kirk could see the natives in the distance, protecting their faces from the fumes with their hands. He gave Bones a panicked look.

"Is he –" McCoy was interrupted by the sound of static. Then…..

"Captain, this is Commander Spock reporting. I am well."

"'Bout time!" Kirk hissed into the communicator, coughing slightly.

"Yeah, supergenius. I was _this_ close to killing you myself. That is, if the volcano didn't." Bones crossed his arms over his chest, but it was clear there was more relief than anger in his demeanor.

Kirk shook his head from side to side. A thought struck him. "Hey, Spock….did you have any idea it was going to do that? Belch, I mean?"

Bones moved closer to Kirk's side, slightly curious. There was a pause…._a chuckle?_..."I….._may_ have anticipated that result, sir."

The communication ended. Bones looked sideways at Kirk. "You know, if didn't know any better, I'd say that imp sounded almost amused…..if I didn't know any better."

Kirk clapped him on the back, laughing. "You're not the only one."


	2. Judgement Day

Pike raked his hand over his face. "'There was a _slight_ – oh, I love that word- _slight_ change in operation procedures that essentially resulted in a positive outcome for all concerned.'" He looked up from the screen, clasping both hands in front of him and pointing upward. "Captain, that has got to be the most loaded statement I've ever read."

"Loaded, sir?"

"Yes, loaded. Frankly, with-"

"Admiral? Nothing happened. No harm, no foul….. Right?" Kirk's voice rose an octave as he cleared his throat to cover up the laugh he was trying to hold in. Spock looked over at him blankly, then returned his gaze to Pike, whose expression was similarly inscrutable.

"Nothing happened….nothing. So let me get this straight; your initial scans indicated that Nibiru's Armageddon was about to occur. Pompeii and Hiroshima all in one. In short, gentlemen, the _end_ of their _world_. Yet _nothing happened._ Doesn't that seem a little _odd_ to you?" Pike looked back and forth between the two as he said this.

Kirk swallowed hard and tugged at his collar. "Well, now that you put it _that_ way…" He could hear Spock's breathing growing slightly ragged. Was it his imagination, or had the commander turned slightly pale?

"I'm glad you agree, Captain….Commander." Pike sat forward in his seat. "Perhaps it was instrument failure. Or human error."

"Sir?" Blink. "My crew is more than capable. They've proven their worth on numerous occasions. And the _Enterprise_? I can honestly say there's no way the ship's computers could be that far off."

"I would agree with everything the captain has said, Admiral." Spock added. He sounded shaky.

"Really? Then I suppose there's only one 'logical' explanation; you intervened. May I ask how, or is that above my pay grade?" The weariness in his voice was obvious.

"Yes sir- I mean, no sir- I mean….Spock, you tell him. I can't." Kirk bit his lip.

Spock swallowed and licked his lips. "Using a massive infusion of bismuth subsalicylate, I was able to neutralize the lava and cause a cessation of volcanic activity."

"Bismu- what?"

"It is commonly referred to by its commercial name; Pepto Bismol." Spock's mouth was twitching in time with his eyebrow, and the tips of his ears were flushing green.

Pike just stared at them, his mouth open. "What?! Pepto-Bis- Is that how it went down, Captain?"

"Pretty much….yeah." Kirk turned away to hide the laugh that threatened to bubble up inside.

"My deepest apologies, Admiral. I can see how my actions would be considered a violation of Starfleet regulations." Spock looked downright mortified.

"_Your_ actions?" Pike looked over to Kirk. "I have a hard time believing they were yours alone."

"Indeed, sir, they were not. Cap-"

"Hey! I'll do my own confessing, thank you very much, Spock!...That is, if I needed to…."

"Captain, Admiral Pike can only be thinking one thing-"

"Oh, he can, can he?" Pike interrupted.

"-that for an operation of this scale to proceed successfully, I must have had the aid and support of the one person on board the ship who is responsible for overseeing and approving all missions of this nature. And that, sir, would be you."

"Would it, now?" Kirk spat.

"Furthermore, given your surprise at my methods but not my goal, there must have been a plan in place prior to my alterations that was tenuous at best, forbidden at worst, or else you would not have been nearly as vague in your report as you were."

"Thanks a lightyear, Mr. Honesty. Bravo. I salute you from the bottom of my heart." Kirk clapped his hands and bowed with a flourish. "He's going to read every last gory detail in _your _report, isn't he?"

"We would be in far more trouble if I had not, sir."

"Oh, yeah? How do you figure? One of those Neanderthals gonna build a starship any time soon, fly to Starfleet headquarters to tattle on me?"

"Captain-"

"No – you listen to me! If that was your world, or mine, wouldn't you want us to save your neck? Or would you just raise your eyebrow and tow the line all the way to the grave? We have the power to make a difference, and I will as long as I'm alive. You can write that on my tombstone." Kirk stalked out of the room.

Pike sighed. "You got any more of that Pepto-Bismol on you, Spock?"


End file.
